These past few weeks have been so miserable for me. I dont know nothing about faith because of some expectations that I didn’t met. Those unachieved expectations have turned to misery which I can’t look towards the faces of my friends. They’ve been texting and calling but then I dont give a little bit of time to receive their messages. All I do is run and run.
I have deeper questions which I can still answer why God’s been doing and still I am sticking to any “atheist conclusion”.
I have nothing right now. I felt broke and empty. I did my best to be humble, I did my best to be giving I can be. But then it was for nothing. I lended money when I was still having dough in my life but now whenever I ask there is nothing in stored for me.
I dont know who to hate. Maybe I hate myself because I force myself to not understand whats understandable. I might even hate THEM. Right now, I’ve been screwing myself. Sleeping at 3 a.m., creating blogs, designing cars (again), playing with the XBOX and I haven’t been going out lately.
I dont want to go out to the mountains and be with my bike. I dont like to have a one on one talk with God right now. I dont want to be in some riverside in Maarat and then try to call and cry. I dont know whats for tomorrow. I might be screwing up again. I would love to be alone right now.
So long for now to the person who thinks of being a History Maker, Missionary, and a Youth Pastor. I am now declaring myself a backslider! So where’s the faith? Its currently been laid off.
This is suppose to be my favorite music but so long for now.
